Chapter 2, Page 196
As I got up this morning and searched frantically for my phone, a thought in the form of a non syllable word struck my mind- why? Forced by my intense will to find that electronic messenger, I still searched and found my phone hiding between the pillows under my head. It was lying upside down as if it was also hiding its face from me. Nothing new though. I kept staring at it and peeved my head into the question of why.. why was I so erratic this morning. Actually there wasn't anything special, every day has been the same for last few years. Wake up in the morning and without even being sure of if I am alive, start searching. Search for the known but yet unreachable, untouchable desire to do something old but still make it look like new. This is how life has become. A machine. An instrument. A fancy gizmo. An apparatus. An engine that never shuts. A device which comes with a long shelf life. A lever which is being used to lift the weight of a pulley named hunger.
Hunger.. hmmm the worst thing on earth. The one thing that god created to make sure that human beings can never become gods. God trapped us into this feeling or emotion or our need to satiate our hunger. What if hunger never existed? What if we could live without food? What if breathing would have been the only fodder for our animal breed?
Crazy thought, I know and you can call me mad but I know the answer to everything on this earth, every trouble, every problem, every issue, every war, every gunshot, every attack, every sad face and even the happy ones is hunger. The sad is sad coz he doesn't have anything to eat and the happy is happy coz he has more than he need to fit into his round pot belly which might come in different shapes but was still full of the same desire- hunger.
But this morning brought a different feeling. The feeling of being numb to everything, numb to every other feeling, numb to every other thought and every other desire. Though it didn't last long as hunger stepped in to claim it's attendance. How beautiful this life could have been if I had nothing and I needed nothing and there was no need to satiate any materialistic, physical, emotional or sadistic need. The biggest of which is the need for food. Someday I wish I could live like those saints who spend their lives in nature without worrying about the breakfast next day.
I had no more time to think so I oiled my machine with cornflakes and warm milk and started the grind.